Goodbyes.

I am horrible with goodbyes.  Just the thought of saying goodbye to someone, anyone, turns me into an awkward, sweaty, nervous mess.  I don't know for sure why I'm so bad with them.  All I know is, when faced with a goodbye, I'd rather get a root canal without meds.  And chances are, if you've had the unlucky privilege of saying goodbye to me, you know it's painful.  As in, do I hug?  Do I not hug?  Do I play it off and make a joke and not focus on the fact that it could be months, years, NEVER, before we see each other next?  Most of the time, I'm looking at the ground, fidgeting with my hands, hoping and praying that it'll just END already and we can both go our separate ways.  It's horrible.  And goodbye shouldn't be so hard for me, considering the past 7 years of my life have been filled with goodbyes.

Goodbye childhood home, college, Indiana, my mom and dad and family and friends...  Goodbye Virginia, good job, newfound Navy friends, our first home as a married couple...  Goodbye Charleston, the best of friends, amazing job, wonderful southern charm (including shrimp and grits and weekends at the beach)...Goodbye goodbye goodbye.  UGH.  HATE THEM.

So, as one can imagine, the BIG goodbye coming in my life is making me anxious.  And hello, awkward, how crazy is that!?  We've been scrambling around here, filling out paperwork for our Wills, advanced directives, custodianships.  Packing.  Laundry.  Cleaning.  So many things packed into the short 24 hours we're given each day, but you know what?  But I happily do it all, if that means I don't have to think and think and think about what's coming.  Because when I sit and think about that?  Cue the sweaty, clammy hands (and armpits, if we're being brutally honest), cue the anxieties about what would happen should the unthinkable happen, cue the countdowns and worry and all that goes into the final days before the day of the BIG goodbye.  There are honestly moments where I wish we could just fast forward to a month from now, when the goodbye is done and we're counting down the days until homecoming.  That is so much more stomach-able (is that even a word?) right now.

Now, let's have a reality check.  Because I know my husband isn't facing combat on the ground.  I can't imagine how I'd be if that was what we're facing. 

Either way, if you have a moment to think of us in the coming weeks, we'd appreciate any thoughts and/or prayers.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, though, because I know this awaits us: